“People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends. On one hand, I can probably count the number of real friends that I’ve had in my entire lifetime. But when it comes to associates, that category houses a vast number of people, some who deny they even fall there. So the problem lies more so with those who don’t know their position (and haven’t asked) or among those who try to reclassify their position under the ASSumption that I am in total blind agree with their choice. As a child, I was at the mercy of whoever wanted to be my friend. But, as an adult, I decide who I do and don’t want in my life – personally, professionally, spiritually, etc. One’s true actions / intentions will give them away soon enough.
As An Associate…
I define associate as “Someone who is linked to/with me for a certain window of time. Through a (temporary) collective effort, we are working toward a specific need/purpose.” But once that window of time expires or when the need/purpose has been fulfilled, our association should come to an end. That ending isn’t a reflection of whether or not I like you. Its simply an indication that our season has come to an end and there’s likely no need for continued or future contact.
For example, when I leave an employer, I usually don’t keep in contact with former coworkers. The same goes for when I am working for a company for an extended period of time. As an empath, I’m not all that interested in being invited to or forced to attend non-work related events like happy hour, movie nights, Christmas parties and the like. Why?!? – Because I don’t go to work looking for friends. On the other hand, if I worked for someone who truly cared about their workers and the employee felt that love and willingly wanted to “hang out”, then that’s altogether different. But for the most part, I go to work to do my job, collect my paycheck, then go home to the people with whom I’m truly in relationship with.
With that said, the associates category consists of coworkers, former classmates, social club memberships, service providers…. Hell, I have actual family members that don’t even qualify as associates like alone as friends or family.
As a Friend…
For me, friends are more like family thus family isn’t all about blood. So, those who “adopt me” or treat/accept me as one of their own even though we are of different ages, ethnicity, etc., then they are my true friends / my true family. Its among this group where I secure my wholehearted, non-blood related supporters. Oftentimes, they may have no clue (inner or over-standing) of what I’m doing/pursuing yet they support me and I – in turn – hold space for them. They makeup my real friends/family. They are my “ride or die” clan as they are not “sticking around for clout or personal benefit.” They already know in their heart of hearts that its because of their sincere love and support that I’m gonna hold them down NO MATTER WHAT. These are the people I am spiritually vested in and its within this category that I call forth current and future clients and related business partnerships.
As an Authentic Blood Relative…
Aside from those mentioned in the previous section, there are those that I consider as true family, as TRUE BLOOD RELATIVES. Again, this category is not all about being blood related but is more focused on divine connections commingled with pure intentions. Within this category, you will find the following:
- I’m legally married (to him).
- I gave birth to (or adopted) him/her (as my own blood).
Please Stay in Your Lane…
I remember back in college “befriending” a guy that I hadn’t formally committed to being in an actual relationship with. Without consulting me, he informed me one day that he had long since reclassified our friendship into a romantic relationship. He assumed that I wanted to be his girlfriend but he hadn’t bother to ask me and obviously didn’t care if I’d reject him. I’d later regret not speaking up with a NO THANK YOU!!!
Several years ago, I recall signing up for a weekly class so I could learn a new hobby. Initially, I was cool with the teacher until someone got in her ear telling her stuff about me. What she was told wasn’t bad. Instead of being this cool and down to earth teacher that I might would want to hang out, she started acting like a groupie as if I was a celebrity or something. Then in class, she get way too personal asking me probing questions about my personal life in an forced effort to get to know me. I was like really?!? That’s not what I came here for. As a single mom, this was my first attempt at doing something for myself – outside of conscious parenting and going to work – so I wasn’t looking for girl talk with a complete stranger. PERIODT!
A couple of years ago, I had some “distant blood relatives” show up unexpectedly on my job. I hadn’t spoken with or laid eyes on these people for several decades, which was a definite clue they were on the prowl. Not hearing from them again I’d later learn their appearance was connected to a deceased relative’s estate. The same people who played the “We’re All Family” game while sitting in my office would one year later tell an estate handler that I wasn’t considered apart as “their” family. OH REALLY?!? If its all business then keep it as business. Why FAKE & SHAKE?
In the past seven years (and even in the past few months), I’ve had to reclassify two people in my life. One of which is my son’s father, who was the ONLY FRIEND I EVER ALLOWED to carry over from one season of my life into the next – BIG MISTAKE! His handling of my pregnancy and his contradictory and lying ways since then have completely ruin our original, long-standing friendship. That goes to show how much of a pawn I was too him, which led me to realize that our “relationship” was never deep but shallow at best. I WAS THE FOOL!
On the other hand, I’ve had to bid farewell to another longstanding family member too. Someone who I thought was “ride or die” for life, but really wasn’t. They were on the same wavelength as the last two examples. All of which managed to get themselves disowned through their own actions. With that said, if I ever disown someone, its their own damn fault because they probably took it upon themselves to switch lanes without permission. In doing so, they expose their true motives especially if their switch-up involved manipulation, intimidation, and/or dominion to have their way.
As an FYI, none of that type of behavior will be willingly accepted or tolerate by my soul (or by my circle of influence) across any and all timelines, dimensions, planes and the like, now and forevermore. And as I said in my subtitle and it bears repeating here: “You don’t tell me where you fall!” In other words, unless you put yourself in the dog house, you don’t get to choose which lane (or category) you fall in in my life. And to even pull such a stunt is a definite no-no. That’s where a true friend would step in and say: “Beatrice, that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”